Despite her close connection with the Royal Family, I couldn’t find a photo of Mary Berry and Meghan Sussex together for this blog – only of Kate and Mary – which perhaps says a deal.

Why was I looking? Well last week I was left reflecting… 

I recently watched Meghan, With Love – upon which I’m not going to comment directly here. However coincidentally later the same day, I caught myself also watching some Mary Berry – who, like many, I love dearly. In fact, watching cooking programmes is a go to activity when I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed. 

It struck me how both programmes have some marked similarities. Both are clearly aspirational, possibly out of reach for many of us, but can have such a different impact when it comes to our ability to connect authentically and inspire a positive reaction. Which led me to pondering on why….?

What is the brain up to when consuming arguably similar styles of content in very different ways with very different outcomes?

Do I trust this source?

The brain is looking to our pre existing narratives (unconsciously as well as consciously) as to whether to trust what we are being presented with. If we’ve previously felt unsure or negative about this, then these feelings will resurface whereas if we’ve always felt consistently positive about the source, in the same ways these emotions will then flood in.

Can I join the dots?

To preserve time and energy, we’ll also try and connect what we’re being presented with what we already know. If this is consistent and aligns with our existing mental models, the new information will simply reinforce the existing brain data. If it’s new or different, we have to work harder to make sense of it. So if it doesn’t quite add up or make sense, it can cause us to reject or critique the new information.

How do I feel about this person?

Rapport building is critical when developing authentic connections. And a lot of engaging content is actually when the focus is on the consumer rather than the creator. Much of this comes down to building a para social relationship based on parity: ‘I’m ok, You’re ok’ and so we’re in this together’. What can feel very disengaging is a lack of parity in this regard – a feeling of ‘I’m ok’, You’re not ok’.

Copy, flatter, conform – a positive status game

The brilliant writer Will Storr talks about how when we make deep connections this can lead us to copy, flatter, conform where we closely follow the person we admire and try to take on some of their attributes in an attempt to borrow their status. This is possibly why I’ve given many of Mary’s recipes a go over the years but you probably won’t find any ladybird canapes at my daughter’s next birthday party 🙂

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